Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
Oh my god you would drunk register for a marathon.
We owe the rent and you're unemployed...you're in no financial position to flirt with cocaine addiction.
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
Seriously, I'm ready to settle for ugly and unemployed as long as he has decent hygene and likes to go down.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I thought it went well, but he just sent me a video of me sucking an icicle on the fire escape of his building with the caption "The ice got more than I did." Somehow I feel like I owe him a blowjob.
No. I'm laying on the floor naked. I almost made it to the shower
This could be the definition of living by yourself
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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