We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
it was my 21st birthday. took an old mans walker so i could stay till last call. reasonable right?
Don't worry we found her. Somehow she ended up on my roof with 2 bar stools
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
This isn't fair. Why can't sober me be good at bejeweled?
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Dude, for twins they have shockingly different blowjob styles.
STOP FUCKING MY SISTERS!!!!
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
I don't know what his name was or what he looked like, but I remember him rocking me to sleep with his cock
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I just walked in on my dad beating it.. There's not a fucking therapist in ARKANSAS that can help me with that!
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Randomize
