dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
Well, she's an atheist who is addicted to the Sims.
Who isn't?
Im going to bring a boy home tonight, and not tell him that I have my period. So when he tries to fuck me, I say no, and look really classy. Then he thinks I'm marriage material. So I give him head.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
he was definitely tindering while i gave him head
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
I'm hoarding IKEA meatballs in my purse
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Look, I tried but his dick tasted like disappointment.
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
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