I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
How do I put "special brownies" into Weight Watchers?
Hands down, the girl passed out in the bathroom was the best looking. Concious or not.
This guy just showed us his webbed feet to prove that his son was actually his son
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whoever put salsa in the kiddie pool.....your an ass. Fuck you.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
Nothing $200 worth of strippers and spicy fried chicken couldn't fix.
Just fyi i'm now butt naked in a steam room smoking a bong in some guys house. i sense the weed penetrating my pores.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
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