So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
You threw up on yourself, then proceeded to tell us "to not make a mess in your car"
she's crying and begging for her chapstick and insisting on walking home...her every thursday ritual
I definitely hasselhoffed a taco bell burrito on my kitchen floor in front of my dad and little brother.
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
Did I run into a tree or get punched in the face?
Both.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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