I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Well I tried to call you. I was convinced my body was made of wood. But the Xmas lights in my room helped
Quick question, when did I develop feelings, and how can I make them go away?
That's two questions.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
I could just tape a camera with a live feed to my head & you could check in on me from time to time
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
Gays age differently than straights. 29 is like 45 in gay years. Next year I'll be in adult diapers and applying for medicaid.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
According to the arrest report, I shouted "no, YOU put some pants on" at the cop. Downhill from there.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
Randomize
