gavin joseph was born around 1 oclock 9lbs 12oz... over 21 inches long
Thats what she said
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
I have "you made mistakes last night" written alllll over me.
He's slept with 25.5 people. Wtf is a half?
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I know you claim to have a large penis but I do not believe in what i cannot see. Sort of like god.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
I've got a permanent seat at the "Girls who eat their feelings" table this weekend.
I want to get business cards and hand them to hot guys and say " hey if you ever want to like makeout and pretend it never happened call me"
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
I made a bucket list last night. Number 5: Will marry a wizard.
Randomize
