I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Fuckkkk i made out with a freshman.....but he's old for his age. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS WHEN YOURE NOT AROUND.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Have you fucked anyone in the hospital yet because obviously this illness isnt worth it unless you do. I MISS YOUR HEALTH
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
hey this is Madison. you gave me your number last night and asked me to remind you that you didn't fuck anyone. you okay?
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I rolled over and my thoughts became words and I said "oh fuck not you again" he didn't think that was too kind and asked me to leave
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
Ok here's the plan: birth control, KFC, handcuffs.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
Randomize
