I am in a vortex of obligation.
oh fat girl friday strikes again...
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
just thought you should know it took me an hour and a half to make soup. I had to keep laying on my kitchen floor. being 21 is hard.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
My CPA just snapchatted me a picture of her playing beer pong at a picnic. Time to do my own taxes?
I joined the mile high club last night. I ran a mile while high on coke. It was glorious
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I'm sobbing to NWA
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
You spent the entire night trying to catch pigeons and hugged a homeless guy and then gave him a pregnancy test.
Also—I just realized that your wedding gift is still on my dining room table. So...as awful as I am for not yet sending it (and I still need your address), at least I didn’t bring my screaming children to potentially the most important day of your life?
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