your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
i want you to feel like i'm letting you into my heart, not just my vagina.
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
You just kept holding your breath for a really long time and calling it lung excersizes.
I like it when Amish boys stare at my boobs, even tho I can't tell if it's in appreciation or disgust. Rumspringa, mothafuckers.
He ripped off my pantyhose and all I could think was, "oh no those were clinic-appropriate!" That's what I get for ditching a continuing education meeting to go hook up with my scuba instructor.
Literally just one second of unclenched butt hole away from shitting my pants.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
Back. Waiting on Thong the shuttle bus driver. THONG
The porch is breathing.
STAY OUT OF MY SHROOMS YOU CUNT
Hahaha perfect. Let's start stopping drinking tomorrow
I woke up this morning to my panties draped around the neck of an empty bottle of bulleit. That is the perfect visual metaphor for my life at this juncture.
Randomize
