I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
i hope chris hansen doesn't have a boat
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
We've been here for ten minutes. She told me I wasn't "Irish enough", licked my tits, and then sprinkled green glitter on them.
Can we do a version of last night where I actually remember shit?
I fucking hate you. Some slutty looking drunk chick backed her ass up across the bar and started grinding on you. You ignored her because you didn't want to share you drink
I care about my drink far more than her feelings
That works. I won't care. I'll be a mermaid. Mermaids don't give a fuck.
Especially drunk mermaids.
I woke up still drunk to a beautiful tattooed columbian man making me pancakes. How's your memorial day?
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
