Turns out "bordello" doesn't mean what I thought it did.
cant go down on her man, her vagoo reminds me of a face hugger from aliens
I need to find out who his wife is so I can fuck her before he gets to mine.
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
Stop calling dibs on everything with a vagina you jackass.
That should be the title of my autobiography.
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
she dared me to make out with the amish dude so I went up to him and grabbed him by the beard
GRABBED HIM BY THE BEARD
god dammit I AM NO LONGER PUTTING UP WITH YOUR HETEROSEXUALITY I QUIT
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Randomize
