i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
I queefed so loud it echoed.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
We snorted a line of cocaine and xanax, and then played a game of Backgammon. It was surprisingly therapeutic.
Escorted a stripper to her car last night,and all I got was a "Thanks" and "Go Steelers."
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
The grocery store is a combo of ghetto ppl complaining that the low fat chips are all that's left and hipsters trying to eat organic during the hurricane
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
Word my sister pulled through for me and brought vodka shooters for the plane. its about to be a sloppy 4 hours
Like the friend zone has no room for winks
I need a beard to bite.
I don’t know how to sext. What do you say? What do you don’t say?
Just start quoting WAP lyrics.
Randomize
