I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
Yes. Hungover. All the boys are going wakeboarding. Boys only. I wish I was a gay guy so I could go wakeboarding but still suck dick.
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Not sure how ur night is going, but unless u also saw a naked drunk chick pissing outside i doubt it can top mine
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
Can we just talk about how awesome I am. I just slept with a new guy while listening to the previous guys bands cd.
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Something like; Dear Cupid, when are you going to send me someone to date that isn't a complete psychopath
I answered the booty call in my Trophy Wife cutoff and my ex-boyfriends sweatpants with a bottle of jager.
and how was that received?
Randomize
