He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
When I realized it was a dog, and I still had a boner, it was awkward.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
She just opened a six pack of corona with her car door ... I had no idea she was such a skilled drunk
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
just had Stella and stale goldfish for breakfast under the watchful eyes of an inflatable cactus and 5 llama pinatas. Cinco de mayo success!
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
I'm too stoned to come over for sex
Yes that is a Krispy Kreme doughnut on my cock
I'll be right over
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
You'll be happy to know that the bruise is gone from my cock
Your shirt... Was in my pants
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
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