After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
It makes me feel uncomfortable and unsafe when he licks my pants
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
We are, if nothing else, classy enough to leave our 10 mini bottles of wine in a polite line on the floor of the movie theater.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
So I'm at early voting and the group of ladies behind me is talking about voting no on 2 and my gummy is kicking in, thank lawd
Randomize
