so it turns out you can rearrange the letters in "scottsdale" to spell "milf city." who knew?
just found my diary from when i was 14. i demand a drinking game of this.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
He came up there while i was bartending, ate a salad, told me he wanted to divorce me, then tipped me 10 dollars....
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Of course I'll be there. I never miss an opportunity to smell like cigarettes, cheap beer, and shame.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Pretty sure I just noped a member of the Canadian women's hockey team on Tinder.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
I can't wait til me and pit bull can just be together
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
