this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
Her name is Sherri and her sister's are Brandy and Champagne. Of course I want to meet her parents.
When the tupperware hit the highway it was like a vomit bomb
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
Your lack of great college experience of margaritas and foam parties scares me
at the end of the day, college isnt gonna be for everyone... and some of us are just going to have to learn how to breathe underwater while sucking cock.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
I just want cinnabon and vodka.
im bringing home some absinth and some holy water. one way or another things are going to get spiritual.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
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