I'm at this poker game and this kid to my left is bragging about all the chicks he hits including a "playboy model" when all of a sudden this 22 guy looks him in the eye and says "ever fuck a 70 woman. The things they can and are willing to do" Next think the whole table is quiet for an hour. That guys my hero...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
Woke up with two cats staring at me. One covered in puke thats giving me a look that says it might be my fault. Where am I? Come get me.
Thanksgiving. This year's theme: I am thankful that I still have a liver.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
If he doesn't give you the same feelings you get when the pizza guy arrives, he's probably not worth it.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Come get your boyfriend. He is hammered talking to me about hot dogs and casinos.
How long do I have to listen to him talk about the chickens before telling him I just really want to fuck? Note: it's already been twelve minutes.
My vagina measures dicks. It's accurate to the half inch.
Randomize
