Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
Smoked a bowl on a rollercoaster. Literally ON. Beat that.
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Her mom caught her drunk streaking when she was 12. Of course she's perfect for me.
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
We're watching a video in class about cheese. The scoring for it sounds like that of a Lifetime movie. My mind is creative. I've continued my own story in my head of a wheel of cheese that was raped and murdered. It's so sad. I hope they get the guy. Btw, the video is about marketing.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
Youre having a picnic
Yeah but all we have is vodka, so it's getting a bit out of hand.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Randomize
