The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Do you think if Santa was real that he's have a big penis?
he just spelled fiance, "pheancie". I dont think he's ready to get married.
splinters make it hard to masturbate
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
She keeps referring to it as an "us" Either she is seriously mistaken on what fuck buddies are or she learned another meaning of the word "us"
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
sold 4 oz of weed today pantsless. man i love college.
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
A guy from tinder a while ago who sent me dick pics straight out the gate is a tech on my dad's hospital floor. I was wondering why he looked familiar and why he never took my dads vitals when I was in the room
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
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