I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
Should study in library more often, procrasturbating is less of an option.
Hey is it bad when your boss leans over your desk and tells you "you smell like the Rainforest Cafe"??
hey, this is the drunk ass freshman from last night. thanks alot for helping me out last night, i'd probably be on some lawn if it wasn't for you guys! and my mom says thanks for talking to her
So I wake up this morning with a bottle of dish detergent and a dildo. Good call on bringing those girls from community college.
about to tell this girl that sh'es my teenage dream. you have 15.358s to stop me.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
our flight took off 8 am and the bar didn't close til 5, so we decided it was a good idea to just stay out all night. Drunk logic is awesome. We were all scared we wouldn't get let onto the plane
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
That was the first time i’ve been physically intimidated by a LinkedIn profile.
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