I told him it tasted like his mom..needless to say we were asked to leave.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
please take me off your list of people to text when you don't want to drink by yourself.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
Just found my mom passed out in my bed holding a bag of wine. Not sure if I'm ashamed or proud.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
just did a beer bong in the shower while i was taking an actual shower its officially football time
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
You don't understand. My ass is the color of eggplant.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Randomize