i just had sex with a fat kid who giggles when he cums. tequila really lowers my standards.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
My housemates are judging me because I'm high at 8am and making Spongebob shaped Mac and Cheese
They know nothing, John Stoned.
He told me I was "too flexible." Excuse me?
I just want you to make me second guess my worth as a human. Is that too much to ask?
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
I banged a marine last night. No wonder everybody respects them.
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