im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
I just got cut off for correcting the bartender's grammar. I should have never accepted that fucking editors position.
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
No, that was the night I was sneezing out barf
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
All you kept saying was, " Barack fucking Obama. FUCK Michelle" and then you motorboated me.
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
I have put on lipstick and signed up for class. Nothing more shall be expected of me today.
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