I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
she thought the capital of kansas was topanga.
she got kicked out of the bar for shoving german chocolate cake in the bartenders face. we were there less than a minute
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
you know she was a bad idea when your mom offers to pay for an eHarmony account
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
I know you've been in hospital with meningitis, but last night I walked into a streetlight and bruised my penis so who's really suffering here
He was talking about his friends deceased ferret and I still managed to orgasm.
Now THAT is dedication!
After we fucked we sat in bed and watched Charlie St. Cloud and he fed me ice cream. It was probably the most romantic thing I've ever done.
Randomize
