I wish I could teleport
We Started drinking at 8am and left the bar around 11pm....I hate ALL green things
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Breaking hearts and overdosing on semen. That's my life.
If I buy you $300 worth of popeyes, will that make up for me trashing the house?
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I can't think of anything besides pubic hair fallout. Ugh.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
On a totally unrelated note, captain four hour sexcapades lost it in his boxers this morning and tried to pretend it didnt happen. Lmao
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
WHY CANT I FIND JUST A NORMAL DISNEY LOVING MAN TO PAINT WITH ALL THE COLORS OF THE WIND WITH!!
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
A black cat walked my drunken ass home last night and made sure I made it back into the apartment safe. Sat with me for 30 minutes as I struggled to unlock the door. Guardian angel or drunken hallucinations?
Randomize
