Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
I caught myself masturbating while watching a baseball game today. It was over before I realized what was going on. And then I was just confused.
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
in mid cry she says "I can be a whore if I want to"
Three things I need a picture of: your friend, your bong, and your dick.
Please root for the ravens. I now have oral sex riding on this and it's been sooooo long
Question: If I got in a car accident and lost my memory of us, would you work your way back just so we could be fuck buddies again?
I'm watching The Vow and just need to know that I'm loved in some way
I asked the cop if I could see his dick- It's not like he could arrest me twice.
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Randomize
