why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
Well he paid for dinner, so I paid for the Plan B, but the parking ticket I got is totally his responsibility.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
And your boyfriend doesn't mind you constantly taking pictures of his dick just to freak out your brother?
its more like he's accepted that he can't stop me
So how does one go about leaving their family vacation to hang out with someone they met on tinder
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
That was the most spiritually awakened shit I have ever taken.
You showed up at 4 am holding a beer and wearing a wig you apparently found in the dumpster.
That explains some things...
Randomize
