Nothing says "I love you" like a full raw dog.
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
How do we turn this unicorn pinata into a bong?
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I ripped the door frame off last night too. Just remembered.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
I ran into a hotel and told the doorman he was doing a great job. That was before you cried on my jacket.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
You would be proud of me, I did not take a dab at work today.
There were 16 girls and 31 titties. That’s how the club was. Lance doesn’t get to decide ever again.
Randomize
