i broke my thumb. i no longer have 2 opposable thumbs. i'm sub-human. i love vicodin.
too bad you live with your parents still
I'm still with the girl from last night. remember to call me conrad and that i work for PETA
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
Can you deep fry cheerios do you know? crucial question
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
If your wondering where your blanket is, I put it on the 2 guys you brought home last night. Their still sleeping outside on the trampoline.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
He may not be good for my soul but he’s great for my vagina!
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