Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
How long can I microwave pasta with a 20 percent alcohol content?
Protocol on turning down a date from someone in the House of Representatives?
Times like this, when you talk openly about Tinkerbell being your spirit animal, are times when I'm allowed to question your sexuality.
after I lost so many games of beer pong they made me be a troll, I sat under the table and told riddles while retrieving balls.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
I'll be there in 10. I need you naked and ready. Warm up.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
Nothing kills the mood like him going to slap my ass and he hits his balls at the same time
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
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