Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
Is it sad that when she told me he has a small peen I felt like it made us more compatible?
This is the prime rib incident all over again
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I should have known our good time had gone to shit when his ankle bracelet started flashing.
There is a literally infinite number of spliffs going around this table.
Delicious
I feel like I'm at a sushi bar with a spliff belt.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
I don't think it's food poisoning, I think it's cause you cooked it over burning styrofoam
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
I possibly am a tad bit not really but maybe slightly intoxicated.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
Randomize
