If I were a hot girl. I'd whore around, I'd be awesome.
I hate to say it, but I think my pandora being Marvin Gaye love songs was the prime reason for the bj last night
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
Hurricane Earl: Get Blown party at my house friday! Byob: bring your own bitch/booze. Must have 80s blown hair style, kazoo/noise maker (vuvuzelas/airhorns are allowed), and/or bubble wands. \n
Why am I even shocked you're doing this....
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
The number of times I have seen your cock and the number of times I have wanted to see your cock are different!
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
There's a ton of international students in my suite and I'm just sitting in this chair with no pants on eating frosted flakes
Had to take him to the ER for not only alcohol poisoning but for stepping on a firecracker. Happy 4th holy fuck
I thought he was hot. You know, in a “I’ve gone batshit insane and want blood for the blood god” sort of way.
Randomize
