Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
Remember when I was so high that I thought my appendix burst? All I had to do was fart man, just fart.
How would u feel about transportimg a penis shaped ice luge to nashville?
at what point last night did we decide it was okay to let me hitch hike to another bar?
I'm studying for my midterm by watching porn with Spanish subtitles. Surprisingly the words are still really distracting..
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
When she asked why I felt bad I said that it may have had something to do with the gin and cold pizza I had for breakfast.... And then I reflected on what my life has become.
So he noticed that I cut a half inch off of my hair. Guess who just earned himself some road head on the way to the twin cities?
You can't Tinder AND have him bring you icecream in the same night. It messes with your vagina.
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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