Yeah, it wasn't as bad as I thought. I tried not to clench and things went pretty smoothly.
He ran headfirst into the atm. Thenasmed us what our spirit animals were...he said his was either a dolphin or a cabbage
At the same time. Hot men feeding me brownies. In between rounds of sex.
I just dumped bong water and Bacardi out of my purse into the trash can. Everything in my purse is soaked. I hate Sundays.
When everyone ask you tomorrow go ahead and tell them I'm the girl that fell of safe ride and was all bloody.
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
... Cuz there's nothing like having your two male roommates catching you have a good cry in the driveway at 9am on a Wednesday.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
I walked out and he was covered in jelly, slithering around the floor. I don't know how to process that.
I took multi-tasking to a new level. I just ate a plate of nachos off my lap while driving to the bar. And I barely got any on me.
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
Dude. I just got a visual of u climbing over a bathroom stall to save my life.
Randomize
