Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
still doesn't change the fact you were dunking your sock in the toilet.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
Bianca brought a stripper home he's making me breakfast
BABE I MISS YOU SO MUCH LIKE THE SADNESS OVERWHELMS BONER ABILITY
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
Some mornings I close deals. Other mornings I puke out my window while I’m driving down the highway
Randomize
