never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.
I was so high I couldnt even listen to music i was terrified of the potential knowledge i would gain.
Our professor just said "No class today, go get stoned." A guy seriously walked over and hugged him.
definitely just fell out of bed trying to plug in my phone. when did laziness start getting painful?
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
Btw, you're my emergency contact at Planned Parenthood
He's balder, I'm skinnier. I win. I. Win.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
i shit you not. the flight is delayed because they have to change fucking light bulb. all the airport bars are closed and my shit is in checked luggage.
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
