He came in the heat vent in my car. Don't ask how it happened.
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
just printed 333 ways to get kicked out of wal-mart. hello thursday night.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
Apparently we were arguing for captain seats so I shouted "who has your virginity." I got the seat.
We were dancing and she was clawing my stomach like a fat kid getting to a half broken pinata.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
I accidentally sent my mom a nude picture of my ass... she replied with how did you get that angle ?
Just shaved my balls on a moving train. By far the most dangerous stunt I've ever pulled
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