Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
You're always adorable, but when you're drunk, you're like Chia Pet adorable.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
Be honest with Daniel. He was a good rebound to you for nine months and he made it so you could be with the one you really love and care for now. Just tell him thanks and best of luck.
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
You peed in the parking lot while a car was was waiting behind us. And when people walked by you proceeded to say "careful you might slip"
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
It was a mess. I sat on the kitchen floor with maple whiskey and cried into a bowl of poutine. I've never even been to canada
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
I ditched my one night stand in the hotel lobby. How did he add me on Snapchat?
He played with my nipples while singing "How great thou art"
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Last night I realized my life is an experiment of really bad decisions when I had to leave without my underwear. But at least I'm expanding my life experience.
Randomize
