He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
He's hinting that I'm starting to be kicked out of their blunt rides, I can feel it.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
You crawled everywhere and rolled in ice cream. No more vodka for a month.
she puked ON me while she was on top, worst holiday hookup ever
COME GET ME FR THE HOSPIGAL'!!!!!
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
We could probably bang our way to enlightenment. However acid helps.
You ruined the universe
Got lost on the way to my dealer again. He stayed on the phone with me untill i found him and then hooked it up because I got lost.. What a genuine person.
Randomize
