I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I just googled "buy xanax online". What is wrong with my life?
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
Getting up is taking longer than anticipated. Alcoholic fish bowls have made getting out of bed a multitstep process.
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
The amount of drugs I did this weekend make me concerned about my health but at the same time fascinated to see if I could do more
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
Just me, my martini, and my backup Martini.
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
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