i jhust puked up my retainher.
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
I am going to make your legs soar from cumming so much
Like they're going to fly away?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
So my mom wants me to come swim with dolphins with my little sisters in October. I'm not sure how to tell her I saw a "when dolphins attack" special when I was rolling and am now terrified of them.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I WANT TO. I JUST IMAGINE HIS BEAUTIFUL BLONDE HEAD INBETWEEN MY LEGS AND I BREAK DOWN AND START CRYING.
Is this the guy that did shots off my ass at the beach? Haha
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
And I’m prepared, because I'm in it to win it (and by win I mean get railed hard)
Randomize
