4 words: hood of his car
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
She's going to get preggers, drop out of school, and end up working at mcdonalds. Great for our mcdoubles habit but bad for her future.
just remembered spooning on the cardboard and confessing to each other we had the spins.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
Are you still crying. What are you doing. Have 10 shots of tequila.
It's like a booty call, except its for tacos...and you're my brother.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
We're super invested in me shitting to my full potential
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
So I guess I walked across campus with "pat my ass" in sharpie on my forehead.
You deserve it, you colossal cock block.
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