I think my tv knows when im high and tells taco bell
i'm in the guys across the halls apartment. i think 7 MIP guy wants me. he just got a medical marijuana card. might be worth it.
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
You didn't want to have sex last night because you said your grandpa just died and you didn't want him watching..
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
You are free to stop by. I promise to keep my penis in my leather pants
Listen. You dont know how advanced you are in yoga till you have to shave your butthole
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I woke up this morning cradling my vibrator like it was a baby
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
Randomize
