hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Just KTHXBAIed an old man for staring at me
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
If we accept the love we think we deserve do we also accept the sex we think we deserve?
You were making out with a freshman and said you wanted to back to his place. Then when you got to the door to leave you said "never mind." He sad it wasn't fair and you got all serious and told him "welcome to the real world kid."
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
She swallowed the key to the cuffs, I've been having to explain the pink fuzz all morning.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Randomize
