I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
This just in: I met a girl who does the phone sex phone lines, and shes' 5'4" 320. I'll never get a hardon again through a phone.
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
He walked into the party with a case on one shoulder and a boom box on the other of course I fucked him
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
I swear, its like my old fuck buddies have a 6th sense for when I'm going to be daydrunk. Then they start texting me. And then I start sexting them
My only downfall is that I can only take shots in twos.
You were crying because you hate wine coolers but you really wanted to prove you could finish it
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
I don't even remember what he looks like. All I know is he's 6 foot 100. I like that.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
Stripping out of my teacher clothes to Talk Dirty to Me. Who let me become a teacher?
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
Randomize