My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
How do you politely bring up someone's criminal record?
Tough to say exactly how to play this. I just know people don't like surprises when genitals are involved.
Only once have I found myself in the condom aisle holding a bundt cake...
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
Pretending to be completely fried so the odd girl next to me doesnt suspect im simply staring at her.
Seriously can I go through one convo where masturbating doesn't come up
I found us a new booze connection and I'm writing college admissions essays. The future is bright.
I woke up in a stranger's bed wearing nothing but santa socks.
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I pay 3K a month for rent, yet last nite I broke into the back of my building, scaled over 2 tons of garbage in heels and took a dirty freight elevator to my floor just so my doorman wouldn't see how fucked up I was
U know ur prob on camera right?
ill give you some hints: blood, carnival, fog machine, happy meal.
Randomize
