I woke up on my floor...
I woke up with colors of the wind playing on repeat on my laptop...
I kinda knew it wasnt going to pan out when he would rather watch how i met your mother ON TIVO than fuck me......
I don't really want to write this paper. It's the last one of the semester - I need to savor the feeling of procrastination.
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
You kept me hostage in your driveway until you got your point across that alaska has warm weather
he was once again the drunkest girl at the party
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
