Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
Did you know the Dallas Cowboy cheerleaders have an exercise show ON Demand? Yeah, I had a lonely night
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
Even though ive seen her get fisted by another girl at a party, shes still a doctor.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
What do you need? A swimsuit and a liver of steel? What else?
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
We have started to decorate penises.
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
We got to the hospital and the girls who caused the accident had already added you on facebook.
Randomize
