we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
Let's just have a brief moment of silence for my dignity before we start tonight
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
i stopped calling them hangovers and started calling mornings a long time ago.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Oh yeah forgot to mention that I referred to myself as the oral sex heavyweight champion last night
I'm concerned that this blind man on the bus has a boner right now
This isn't a because its valentines day booty call, it's a because your cock is phenomenal booty call that happens to be on valentines day..
The bald guy bought me a shot so I chugged it and then walked out to the middle of the dance floor and told an old woman that might be your moms twin to bend it over...We didn't end on a good note though. Dude she stepped on my vans.
i don't find him as attractive when he's dressed as himself...bring back Indiana jones and I would so fuck him again
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
Randomize
