we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
You fed me pizza off a sword last night.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
My dog is now used to me drunk singing and sleeps through it. I don't know how I feel about this
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Aaaand the winner of the worst decision of Sunday night goes to me as I pull up to his house in my lingerie.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
i was so blazed last night that i kept imagining a talking eagle sitting next to me encouraging me to smoke more... i listened to it.
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
Randomize
