They need to add a relationship status option on fb that says "having the baby of..."
so he tried marking my clit with a sharpie so he could "find it again next time".
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I don't think ill be here long the chick I came to see is blowing rails with a drag queen
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
I'll give you some choices for what to get me for Christmas. 1.You naked. 2.You naked 3.You naked.
I woke up with a bagel in my mouth, still ate it. Free breakfast
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
