brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
you told me heaven would be the 3 of us at Moe's forever and every hot girl that walked in would ask us to play stone face
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
There's gotta be a happy medium between the guys who only want to sleep with me and the ones that respect me too much to try to sleep with me.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
I'm pretty sure that when my parents bought me those savings bonds they thought it would go towards something useful like tuition. Not your bail.
I told you I'd buy you lunch.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
You are the only person I know who has a fierce hatred for a five year old. Not even five year olds in general, yours is very specific
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
Randomize
