playing new game: drink everytime u see someone at the beach with a tramp stamp, double if u guess it before u see it, triple for male tramp stamps
warning: blackouts possible when playing in ocean city or anywhere in new jersey
i know they say sex burns calories but i think i actually gained weight from just lying there for the whole 2 minutes
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
You were chewing up hot dogs and spitting them out
When I opened my laptop there was a half eaten little debbie oatmeal cream pie inside.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
I just found a hunk of ham in my back jeans pocket from god knows when. We gotta stop going so ham.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
I can get there in 20, one question, Drress Code? Stripper Lite (make up may require an additional 5-10 minutes), Suggestive Professor (professor Kamil's cleavage ain't got nothing on me), Daywear, Dyke (and trust me you ain't seen dyke), or Exactly What I'm Wearing Right Now. (all of the above may arrive under a coat and are subject to my level of sobriety. Which is currently like nonexistent).--xoxo you know you love me, Gossip Girl.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
I just puked in a chili’s bathroom... happy birthday to me
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
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