yours is so small it looks like an acorn!!
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
"thanks for the sex" was written in lipstick on my bathroom mirror. i'm officially done with random hook ups.
Apparently after taking body shots off of a guy i haven't seen since 1st grade, i ate a stick of butter, showed everyone my tampon string, and fell off the boat. my uggs belong to the sea now
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Please stop hiding condoms in my house. If I want to have sex with you, I will let you know. FYI, my mom found the ones hidden behind the milk. She was not happy.
i am one fart away from being 2 for 2 on this whole shitting my pants thing.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
Dad stumbling and puking in the White Castle parking lot = Father's Day success
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We had sex on a couch that was held together by Velcro. Want to know an unsexy sound? Velcro ripping apart under your bare ass.
Do you remember what happened last night? All I could find we're phone numbers of strip clubs in Detroit. Did we go to Detroit?
Randomize
