I think my hot accountant is wearing banana republic. I miss the days when that ='ed gay. Signals are so confusing now.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
If you ever wanna get tagged teamed, army guys are pretty open to it. Write that down for future reference.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
How is someone going to pee on the floor two days in a row? Fuck this place.
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
