Who goes to Church hungover
Those who weren't lucky enough to go still drunk
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
Sam from lord of the rings is 10 yards away from me, i am creaming myself.
We followed the campus tour around in a golf cart drinking PBR and blasting "Sexual Healing."
We found her in the fireplace eating dog biscuits.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
1) break up with him. 2) feel bad. 3) fuck some other guy. 4) feel better. Boom! Life plan. You're welcome.
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Just found out my dad smokes weed too. Mom, grandma, all aunts and uncles, and now my dad too. It's like I'm genetically engineered to be a stoner.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
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