i never knew gatorade would taste just as good on the way back up
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Could you please tell them to stop whispering "thundercunt" every time I walk in the room?
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
So my dad just walked in on me with the same girl twice in 3 nights. I told him if he wants to see her tits to adleast admit it. All he did was smirk.
I need a burrito and a hug.
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
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