put your party hat on. and by party hat I mean no panties
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
Just wanted to make sure that my favorite hot mess is still alive. I dont need words, just a response of any sort. K hope youre living
bhystjhitsjhtiajielrfrhaug
This is sufficient.
Just fucked in his moms tanning bed. While it was on. Weirdest. Tan. Ever.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
She started giving me head while we were watching the Walking Dead premiere, WORST BJ EVER.
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
Randomize
