Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
Professor used "ROFL" while grading my paper... Do I even go to a real college?
I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
She looked like a pterodactyl.....but dude i love dinosaurs
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
We were so hungover we fell asleep in Goodyear waiting for them to fix her car. At 4 in the afternoon on a Sunday. The workers apparently didnt want to vacuum because they didn't want to wake us.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
May the power of my ass compel you!!
Tell him you want to lick his face. Didn't work for me but might turn out better for you idk
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