We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
Whenever ur ready we need breakfast and a psychic.
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
Am I allowed to be in denial about being gay again? Or is that one of those things you can't do?
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
I'm trying to blow this guy down here can you please get my husband out of the house.
I’m ready to be reckless and make stupid decisions, and I need you to support me in that.
He forgot how to sit. we had to pick him up and set him down.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
