Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
Okay my swimming class is like the fatass/diabetic guide to losing 2 pounds by christmas
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
I wouldn't take my shot so you poured it on my face. Twice.
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
The more and more I drink I keep rationalizing banging eye patch girl
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
He doesn't belong with God. He belongs face-down in a pile of his own excrement, vomit, blood and semen. Then pissed on by Satan.
We established that I was in 5th grade when she was in her final year of grad school. Her daughter is also in 5th grade.
He always tells me he misses my clit. I feel like I should make a drinking game out of it
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I used to shoot steroids in my ass but for a totally different reason
IDK if she's gay or not, but there is something about the way she looks at me that says "do dirty dirty things to me." I have no choice but to oblige.
Randomize
