he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Somewhere between the 2 hours of sex and her urgently rushing to work she manged to steal all $329.33 in my jeans. Worst one night stand ever, she even took the pennies.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
there has got to be a maximum amount of semen a person can take in before they get some kind of poisoning.
I just had a full choir singing the phrase pudding cup in my head. Too. Stoned.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
If a cop comes up to me I'm whipping out my cock, swinging it around and singing the national anthem
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
there were rolls with just one bite out of each one leading to the bedroom. you were laying on the bed naked and yelled 'you did it you followed the bread crumbs!'
Boys winking, cowboys tipping their hats, old people looking disappointed.... ah, I had forgotten the unholy powers of exposed cleavage!
You are my hero.
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
Randomize
