I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
I just woke up and found a naked man on my floor. Looks like Dad had a wild night of strip poker
I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I'm going to fuck my way out of the friend zone if its the last thing I do
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Hurry there's four guys dressed up as a bachelorette party, one has a condom veil and the rest are selling candy bouquets and asking if anyone wants to get laid for $5
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Randomize
