He told me that he wishes our relationship was more like prison: less touching, more butt sex.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
Just had the moment before I realised I'd packed you off in an ambulance last night after funnel-feeding you Monster and vodka. Your mom thinks I'm a dick doesn't she?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
At 38 I had to open a Snapchat account to communicate with my 21 yr bf. where is my life going.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize