i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Drunk me thought he was hot enough to overlook the fact that he had poison ivy and still have sex with him. Sober me wants to know if you have any calamine lotion.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
This is why Helen Keller didn't drink
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
You take a step back sometimes and are like "when was the last time I was sober?" or "wow I need to stop putting everything in my vagina"
Is this an intervention?
Grindr hookup awareness: always make sure that you agree to blow one person and they aren't bringing a Friend/boyfriend. Shits weird when you're sober.
Pride is not for the college student young Padawan. Tequila is for the college student.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
But he was still all, "YOU TEXTED TONY WHILE YOU WERE GETTING FUCKED?!" Like THAT was the weird part.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Randomize
